The Loneliness

I wanna develop about this subject because I think it's important. Our society is very based on individuality where technologies make an opening window towards a world map of opinions. So with internet, the influence became very present for every new cohorts of people; that was less problematic and paying attention to influence was not important in the past. Probably one thing that will be felt by a lot is this lack of connection where solitude will be more present. 

Solitude is not a static reality but mostly a result about an identity issue. I'm not telling loving solitude is a problem; I develop more about the suffering of solitude, loneliness. Loneliness is a problem where someone can't be full of himself. I know this is an expression for english people talking about egocentric people but that's not the case because I'm talking about the void people can feel through loneliness. Then, there is a pervert game in this because we know affective dependance is not so far of people that suffer of loneliness. What people living this is not realizing is the fact they are manipulated by a same mecanism; I explain:

I experimented this behavior for years because I started to work on me in 2013. What I have notice about this behavior is the very quick timing. It's like a drug but a relationship or anything where there is dependance (like please to everyone in a group for the belonging), is really like a contract of experiences. Experiences in my view are where negative things happens. The problem with a person that is manipulated by a loneliness feeling is the fact this person don't read any contract. There born regrets, broken heart, dramas, grudges, etc.

Why this is so important to know the people you meet correctly? Because it's a contract. Now I must nuance because someone can say: ''Yes but we get involved emotionally if we go too far''. I respond: ''Yes because you are involved. If you let your emotions corrupt your objectivity, sure you will get into something''. After the next question is: ''Okay but how can I analyze if someone is good or not?''. I respond: ''Experience and understanding''. Often the problem is some stuff can't be intellectualized but must be experienced with gaining a meaning of the events.

Example: I've got involved in some dramas before, but the problem is not the fact the others were problematic; no it's because I failed in my discernment. I did ignore so many signs and now I know the consequences of this lack of discerment. People that will experiment some dramas and will see all the games will cut off a lot of person from their life. Some will notice they can get some issues with them trying to influence or ruin reputation and it's normal. Mostly people that is more aware finish to know more what they need so they cut off; but people that have no idea what they want will want to stay even if they are not loving the person. That's the difference between someone with identity and without identity.

In a paper for my class, I've explained the problem of the sense of belonging. Most of time in the class they feed the idea how much it's important the sense of belonging; that's a good intention, but there is two sides in this idea that must be revealed. When the loneliness feeling is very present, the person can modificate a lot of their own personality just to please but with time the person will come back to their natural being; it's there drama start. Everyone has a main center of naturality where freedom, communication and love is very important. The problem is those concepts are not understood because of the ego culture our society is building through music, movies, writting, youtubers, school, etc.

What is the ego culture? The ego culture is the fact to empower the importance of the self-image. Watchout, I'm not saying people must wear clothes like homeless, it's not what I'm talking about but mostly a mental schema.  We know everyone we are reading, seeing so many images and forms in our life. The publicity is everywhere, everything look like really beautiful. But the problem is how people are easily magnetized and impressed by what things look like. I always said: ''People like to paint the wall really white denying the wood is rotten''. Some people are very expert, professional to paint with skill the wall but the problem is the rotten wood will make fall the house. Same like someone hiding shit under a carpet, with time it smell.

So, yes even if someone could run away about their problems by drugs, by relationships, by childish behavior with accomplices of a wrong thinking (yes you can't be unconsciously betrayed by your own friends in this way) to feed the ego trip and belonging, it's completely useless because an element that come in our life will always appear again because life is deeply shitty. If we want to be honest, life is shitty, but I'm not saying life is not beautiful and good. Life is perfect. but my nuance is the fact we must start by knowing we are all tested by some events in our life where we have to mentally grow, manage correctly our ties and pay attention with some toxic people then even our own toxic thinking.

This is important because it's where someone can be conditionated easily in some experiences, being influenced and magnetized by so many problems just because of a weakness. The fear of loneliness is not supposed to create influence issues. I don't tell we can't feel lonely, we have the right to live it, but letting this controlling our life is probably unacceptable for ourselves. That's why I keep saying there is a distance between us and the thoughts because what we can conceive is probably not what our thoughts try to make believe. When our thoughts focus on loneliness, we must be aware because there is some chance our behavior can obey to some stupid ideas because we have a breach. The ego resistance about recognizing a problem through rationalization is often there and the ego is never interested to change except blaming everyone.

What I'm saying look like maybe a brainwashing but not really because I discover some stuff about my own life while I'm writting and I always said: ''I give tools, you don't have to take all; choose what it fit with you and your needs''. It's my own writting therapy and I like sharing stuff. I feel everyone should write and try to study the events with objectivity without blaming because it's a good exercise. Sure it exist some unacceptable behaviors where the laws have to do something, but mostly life is a question of flexibility; if you fall in the void, like a cat you are supposed to fall on your paws. That's the main idea of self-regeneration.

When the new being will be free of the lonelines feeling, they will create a new sense of belonging but more intelligent. The connection will be respectful but not as modification of behavior to please, but based on the respect of each individuality, their experiences, their humor, their thinking where those people has evolved in a balanced mental dynamism. That's mean where emotions, moralism and feelings are not taking too much place in a black and white thinking. Life is not black and white, but gray and very nuanced. It's not school that will give all the tools but mostly life with experiences and some readings to understand more about them.

Some tips,

Ask to yourself:

I- Am I too involved?

II- Am I comfortable here? (In a group or something else)

III- Is it good for my evolution?

IV- Do I overreact?

V- If an issue can't be fixed, should I stay there?

VI- Am I ready to know people that is fitting more?

VII- Do I really love this person or am I manipulated by my feelings?

VIII- Do I feel reciprocity or it's a selfish need?

IX- Did I try to communicate with the person rather than believe they are hating me?

X- How much on /10 I'm done? (Usually 10/10 is where a drama is coming soon)